Stripped from the bowels of my friends' Facebook posts and other insanity that comes out of my head

Thursday, December 24, 2015

Twas the Night Before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the house
The pee pads were spread
because we have old dogs

Mom in her.... shorts
and Dad in his... shorts
were sweating to death because of stupid El Nino

When out in the yard there arose such a clatter...
Was it the broken down 4-runner, the RAV that needs new tires and the deadly recalled airbags, the washing machine, the fridge water dispenser???

Meh, whatever.

We have semi-healthy dogs, we're fine, and so life goes...

Merry Christmas to all and we hope we win Powerball.

Sunday, November 8, 2015

New Children's Book

I decided to write a children's book.

Not one of those pansy "... and they lived happily ever after" lies that paint the world into a rosy picture where bad things may happen, but in the end the good guy wins and life is beautiful.

I want to give kids a realistic idea of what it's like to grow up... and they need to just be a damn kid for as long as humanly possible because once you hit "that age" it's all over.

I'm calling it:

Here are some chapters:

Sunday, November 1, 2015

Just Getting...

Is this a Maryland thing or an all over the world thing?

You just get your coffee and you stop by to put some sugar in it, when someone else practically shoves you out of the way and says:

"Excuse me, I'm just getting sugar (or cream or a napkin or whatever)"

What?  Like I'm just standing there for no reason whatsoever???

Saturday, October 3, 2015

Kitchen Tip #5,694



and ...










Friday, September 25, 2015

Shirt Tags

Are annoying.

It's not bad enough that they put them on the neck area to stab and rub your skin every time you move, but now they put washing instructions near the waistline, to rub and stab your skin there.

So, you cut them off... but there's always a small shard of label left, so you try to trim that down, but there's always something stabbing you... until...

Be Prepared

Saturday, June 27, 2015

Why I'm Sleeping on Dog Beds

For the past week, I'm sleeping on dogs beds in our living room.

No, the spouse and I haven't had a big fight that I lost.

Yes, I have a perfectly good Sleep Number Bed (me and the dog are a 25), so it's not for a lack of bed.

Yes, we have a guest room with a bed, but it's THE most uncomfortable bed in the history of beds.  I'm pretty sure it was used in Medieval torture sessions.   To add to the misery, there's no tv in there, so it's like living in the Medieval ages.

The spouse had surgery.  He had his innards re-arranged, some things removed, this, that, and the other thing.

Since recovery from surgery requires rest, a clean environment, and no stress... having three Siberian Huskies ricocheting off of his stomach, having accidents, and spraying dog fur everywhere isn't ideal for a recovery (go figure).

Since the bedroom is off limits for the dogs, we were all banished to the guest room and the bed of death.

On the second day of recovery, our "problem" dog, Sam had a massive nosebleed in the guest bed at 11pm.  Of course it had to be the middle of the night.  Off to the Vet ER we rushed (and I won't get into the whole Waze gave us bad directions, Sam pooing in the truck and sliding through it, husband on major pain killers that made him weepy and depressed, the screaming, yelling and slightly illegal U-turns), he was stabilized and came home the next day with some sedation (apparently he has high blood pressure issues to add to his litany of spine and neurological issues).

After cleaning up the crime scene in the bedroom, I realized that I don't like sleeping in that bed.  Sam clearly hates the guest room bed, and the other two dogs aren't that crazy about it either, so that left us with:

This cartoon is a bit misleading because most of our salary goes toward buying very expensive, fluffy, comfy dog beds.

As a matter of fact, we have enough of them to carpet our living room.  They are a LOT more comfortable than that stupid guest room bed.

At this time, I feel the need to apologize to everyone that has slept in that horrible bed.  Although it isn't a good idea to provide guests with a TOO comfortable bed, as they may never leave, I had no idea it sucked that bad.  I fully expect all of you to sue me at some point.

So, I'm sleeping in the living room on dogs beds.  I have a tv.  It's actually not bad.  I don't have to worry about Sam flinging himself off the bed if I have to take another of the dogs out.  I have a tv (did I mention that already).  Everyone night we all (dogs and I) sprawl on the dog beds, watch tv and fall asleep.

So I'm sleeping on dogs beds.  We've only had one minor Sam nosebleed since then and everyone is happier, including me.

Next up: what I'm going to do with 35 pool noodles.