Friday, September 11, 2015
Saturday, June 27, 2015
Why I'm Sleeping on Dog Beds
For the past week, I'm sleeping on dogs beds in our living room.
No, the spouse and I haven't had a big fight that I lost.
Yes, I have a perfectly good Sleep Number Bed (me and the dog are a 25), so it's not for a lack of bed.
Yes, we have a guest room with a bed, but it's THE most uncomfortable bed in the history of beds. I'm pretty sure it was used in Medieval torture sessions. To add to the misery, there's no tv in there, so it's like living in the Medieval ages.
The spouse had surgery. He had his innards re-arranged, some things removed, this, that, and the other thing.
Since recovery from surgery requires rest, a clean environment, and no stress... having three Siberian Huskies ricocheting off of his stomach, having accidents, and spraying dog fur everywhere isn't ideal for a recovery (go figure).
Since the bedroom is off limits for the dogs, we were all banished to the guest room and the bed of death.
On the second day of recovery, our "problem" dog, Sam had a massive nosebleed in the guest bed at 11pm. Of course it had to be the middle of the night. Off to the Vet ER we rushed (and I won't get into the whole Waze gave us bad directions, Sam pooing in the truck and sliding through it, husband on major pain killers that made him weepy and depressed, the screaming, yelling and slightly illegal U-turns), he was stabilized and came home the next day with some sedation (apparently he has high blood pressure issues to add to his litany of spine and neurological issues).
After cleaning up the crime scene in the bedroom, I realized that I don't like sleeping in that bed. Sam clearly hates the guest room bed, and the other two dogs aren't that crazy about it either, so that left us with:
This cartoon is a bit misleading because most of our salary goes toward buying very expensive, fluffy, comfy dog beds.
As a matter of fact, we have enough of them to carpet our living room. They are a LOT more comfortable than that stupid guest room bed.
At this time, I feel the need to apologize to everyone that has slept in that horrible bed. Although it isn't a good idea to provide guests with a TOO comfortable bed, as they may never leave, I had no idea it sucked that bad. I fully expect all of you to sue me at some point.
So, I'm sleeping in the living room on dogs beds. I have a tv. It's actually not bad. I don't have to worry about Sam flinging himself off the bed if I have to take another of the dogs out. I have a tv (did I mention that already). Everyone night we all (dogs and I) sprawl on the dog beds, watch tv and fall asleep.
So I'm sleeping on dogs beds. We've only had one minor Sam nosebleed since then and everyone is happier, including me.
Next up: what I'm going to do with 35 pool noodles.
No, the spouse and I haven't had a big fight that I lost.
Yes, I have a perfectly good Sleep Number Bed (me and the dog are a 25), so it's not for a lack of bed.
Yes, we have a guest room with a bed, but it's THE most uncomfortable bed in the history of beds. I'm pretty sure it was used in Medieval torture sessions. To add to the misery, there's no tv in there, so it's like living in the Medieval ages.
The spouse had surgery. He had his innards re-arranged, some things removed, this, that, and the other thing.
Since recovery from surgery requires rest, a clean environment, and no stress... having three Siberian Huskies ricocheting off of his stomach, having accidents, and spraying dog fur everywhere isn't ideal for a recovery (go figure).
Since the bedroom is off limits for the dogs, we were all banished to the guest room and the bed of death.
On the second day of recovery, our "problem" dog, Sam had a massive nosebleed in the guest bed at 11pm. Of course it had to be the middle of the night. Off to the Vet ER we rushed (and I won't get into the whole Waze gave us bad directions, Sam pooing in the truck and sliding through it, husband on major pain killers that made him weepy and depressed, the screaming, yelling and slightly illegal U-turns), he was stabilized and came home the next day with some sedation (apparently he has high blood pressure issues to add to his litany of spine and neurological issues).
After cleaning up the crime scene in the bedroom, I realized that I don't like sleeping in that bed. Sam clearly hates the guest room bed, and the other two dogs aren't that crazy about it either, so that left us with:
This cartoon is a bit misleading because most of our salary goes toward buying very expensive, fluffy, comfy dog beds.
As a matter of fact, we have enough of them to carpet our living room. They are a LOT more comfortable than that stupid guest room bed.
At this time, I feel the need to apologize to everyone that has slept in that horrible bed. Although it isn't a good idea to provide guests with a TOO comfortable bed, as they may never leave, I had no idea it sucked that bad. I fully expect all of you to sue me at some point.
So, I'm sleeping in the living room on dogs beds. I have a tv. It's actually not bad. I don't have to worry about Sam flinging himself off the bed if I have to take another of the dogs out. I have a tv (did I mention that already). Everyone night we all (dogs and I) sprawl on the dog beds, watch tv and fall asleep.
So I'm sleeping on dogs beds. We've only had one minor Sam nosebleed since then and everyone is happier, including me.
Next up: what I'm going to do with 35 pool noodles.
Saturday, March 21, 2015
Sunday, March 15, 2015
Hoverers
By popular demand... Hoverers.
Women who hover over the toilet seat to pee, and invariably pee all over the seat.
STOP IT!!!!!!
Women who hover over the toilet seat to pee, and invariably pee all over the seat.
STOP IT!!!!!!
Saturday, March 14, 2015
Bathroom Stall Rules
There needs to be a rule for all public bathrooms.
Stall doors, when not occupied, need to be open. Even if it's a small crack, they need to clearly demonstrate that the stall is not occupied, versus fully closed doors that denote they are occupied.
I'm tired of going into public bathrooms where all of the stalls are closed.
This clearly shows that all stalls are fully loaded and you must wait.
You shouldn't be required to lean down and walk the length of the stalls to look for feet to find an empty stall.
You shouldn't be expected to stand there like an idiot and wait for someone to come out when actually there's nobody in the stalls and you look like a total idiot when the person behind you passes and walks into a stall after pushing on doors.
This "pushing on the doors" thing is risky, because most public restrooms have broken latches. I have no idea why the latches are broken, I can't imagine what sort of gastro-intestinal evacuation emergency would cause someone to flee the stall in such a manner that they rip the latch off the door.
I also can't imagine the gastro-intestinal emergency that would cause someone to kick the door into an already locked and occupied stall... well, maybe I could.
Invariably, I'm ALWAYS in the stall with the broken latch, and when a person comes in and performs the pushing on the door routine and then this happens
There needs to be a rule.
Stall doors, when not occupied, need to be open. Even if it's a small crack, they need to clearly demonstrate that the stall is not occupied, versus fully closed doors that denote they are occupied.
I'm tired of going into public bathrooms where all of the stalls are closed.
This clearly shows that all stalls are fully loaded and you must wait.
You shouldn't be required to lean down and walk the length of the stalls to look for feet to find an empty stall.
You shouldn't be expected to stand there like an idiot and wait for someone to come out when actually there's nobody in the stalls and you look like a total idiot when the person behind you passes and walks into a stall after pushing on doors.
This "pushing on the doors" thing is risky, because most public restrooms have broken latches. I have no idea why the latches are broken, I can't imagine what sort of gastro-intestinal evacuation emergency would cause someone to flee the stall in such a manner that they rip the latch off the door.
I also can't imagine the gastro-intestinal emergency that would cause someone to kick the door into an already locked and occupied stall... well, maybe I could.
Invariably, I'm ALWAYS in the stall with the broken latch, and when a person comes in and performs the pushing on the door routine and then this happens
There needs to be a rule.
Monday, March 2, 2015
Make Over
Lately I've been watching a lot of those Make-Over shows. They're the ones where friends or family drag them on the show because they look like someone out of Hoarders.
Typically the poor schlump they make over admits that they've "just given up".
Just now I walked into the bathroom and looked in the mirror and saw that I had some chocolate on my mouth. I rubbed it off my face and then wiped it on my shirt.
I just want to say that I would prefer you nominate me for "Love, Lust, or Run" because I really like Stacy London... just sayin.
Typically the poor schlump they make over admits that they've "just given up".
Just now I walked into the bathroom and looked in the mirror and saw that I had some chocolate on my mouth. I rubbed it off my face and then wiped it on my shirt.
Sunday, February 1, 2015
Saturday, January 24, 2015
Sunday, January 11, 2015
Saturday, January 10, 2015
Saturday, January 3, 2015
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