Houston, We Have A Problem

*life *animals

First Step

*life *accidents *animals

Hip to be Square

*accidents

Gotta Potty

"Putting some socks on the radiators to warm my toes up after one last outdoor potty break... "

"**for the dog. Not me."

" ***the potty break, I mean. You guys do know what I'm saying, right? "

*poop *life *animals

The Great Escape

Now that the very important Christmas cookie baking season has passed I'll let my husband attempt to dismantle my oven door to clean the glass from the Thanksgiving turkey escape. Wish us luck!

 *life

Hot Coffee

"I phoned (name brand deleted**) and told them that my morning coffee was a little too hot after their coffeemaker went up in a flaming ball of black smoke. They Fed-Exed me a new one, chrome and all.

*life

** I didn't want to get sued for inferring this particular coffee maker company sells explosive coffee makers

People Still Iron?

"I was ironing once when my iron decided to spark and start on fire. Luckily it was winter and I threw it out in a snowbank."

*life *accidents

Not So Smart Card Reader

A co-worker discovered (the hard way) that there's an empty slot underneath her Smart Card Reader and was too embarrassed to ask for help.  She ended up calling Tech Support after all of her efforts failed.

*work

Cooking Hazards

"Baking cookies and my good hand mixer died... Smoke and everything. :("

*life

Trick or Treat

Every year around Halloween in my County, there is a prescription drug turn in. My co-worker and I thought it was such a shame that good drugs are being turned in and destroyed...

 *life

Do What Feels Right

"My baby is using an Italian seasoning packet as a rattle. whatever. Did I mention she was sitting on a bag of marshmallows while she was doing this?"

 *life

Have a Nice Trip

Falling down the stairs, even though landing gracefully, still makes one wake up very sore. Not like I would know first hand or anything. I'm sure near immediate chiropractic care helped tremendously on the soreness issue. Just saying.

 *life *accidents

Shake Your Bootie

"Here we go... Discogram time...."

 *life

Read the Label

I just drank half a glass of eggnog before I realized I had bought egg beaters by mistake.

*life

Danger from Above

"And I am off to the hospital. Stupid tree branch fell on my head whilst I was mowing the lawn :( this is what happens when I venture from the safety of the couch !"

 *life *accidents

No Entrance

"I accidentally pushed the knob in today and couldn't get back in. Climbed the fence, tried doggy door, kitty door, garage side door, no luck."

*life

Horse Play

"Wait until the insurance company hears this claim. Logan bit XXXXX's car....right down to bare metal. I think he was bored."

Logan is a horse

 *Animals

Sandy Hijinx

"Getting bad here now. We went to supermarket for some last minute things, its a ghost town with nothing open. tried to score something to eat, behold the Pizzaria's around are the only last remaining food to be had....but when I got out of the car and was holding it a huge hurricane gust almost scored my pepperoni pizza and the box started folding and twisting but I saved it by running to the inside of tahoe back.....ok no more outtings till all this is DONE! I sooo thought that while my Pizza was flopping around from the carton peeking out...on top of it my umbrella broke going the wrong way out! And I was trying to throw my hoodie on my head"

 *life

The Morning Paper

"My morning newspaper was under a bush. In my jammies, I stepped down to get it and fell about 3 feet, hitting and knocking over my angel statue and landing in the bush. It's cold & raining so I got covered in mud & leaves. Just as I was getting up, the Insight repairman walked up to my door. I'm going back to bed."

 *life *accidents

Little Known Storm Dangers

"should i be concerned about having no candles? the library where i work is closing at 7 pm due to the storm. if you don't hear from me within a few days, the cats have probably eaten me. ;)"

*animals *life